either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
