If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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