I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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