I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
