also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just want nice things and good sex
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize