First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
