Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
