I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
