My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
