I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
