he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
