my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
