margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
