Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize