I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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