I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
