Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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