i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
