So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
