I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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