I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
