But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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