I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
