dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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