im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
