Soap is not a condiment
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize