So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
