btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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