I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
