he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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