im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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