I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
