I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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