Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
