i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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