Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
