Your tits are I can't wait for
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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