Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
