chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
