Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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