but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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