There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
