we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
