I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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