It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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