my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
