home. puking in laundry basket.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
