he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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