This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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