i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
