I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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