i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize