i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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