I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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