I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
