I was born with a shot glass in my hand
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
