he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
