East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
