i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
