First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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