Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
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